Morning Musings

 I'm sitting here in my sunroom, enjoying my coffee and watching as the day comes to life.  The sky lightens and the birds wake and begin to sing.  Some are flittering back and forth between the trees and the birdfeeder we put in the yard.  The squirrels slowly wake and wander into the yard.  First there was one and little by little others have joined him/her.  Now they are chasing and playing with each other.  I glance over to our small garden area and see how badly it's overgrown. We went to Europe this summer for three weeks so we didn't plant anything in the garden.  The weeds have taken over.  I need to work on that this week.  The birdbath back by the trees has stood empty and dirty all summer.  I haven't taken care of it for the birds or the squirrels, again something I need to do this week.  In the Spring there are daffodils along the back fence and they are so crowded.  Every summer I promise myself I'll take care of that in the fall, well again that's something that needs to be done and I'll try to get after it this week.  I'll add the bulbs for the Naked Ladies as well.  I'll move some of the bulbs to different areas of the yard.  I want to set aside some of the daffodils so that next time I go to Mitch and Val's I can plant them by Val's prayer pavilion.  

We lost Val a few weeks ago from cancer.  She's been fighting for a few years now and it finally became too much.  I'm so sad when I think of her because she was always there for anyone that needed her and yet none of us could do anything to save her.  Such an amazing person.  So full of life, faith and happiness.  I'm going to miss her.  

I lost a long time friend, Joan, about a week before Val.  She too was another that was good.  She saw only the best in people.  She was always laughing and always there for you.  I went to Hartman to tell her goodbye.  I just don't feel we should be old enough to be "old" yet.  

We lost David, a very good friend that has been a part of our lives since the mid 80s.  He and Gary were the best of friends.  Covid decided he was one of the chosen ones.  Do you ever question how God decides who to take?  Those thoughts cross my mind.  

I think I avoid sitting in this room early in the morning where I only have my reflections to concentrate on.  We have lost so many people the last few years and it makes you realize that we all have an expiration date.  Mine is getting closer and that's just scary.  I still have so much that I want to do and see.  Gary and I have not had near enough time together.  

We put a shed that looks like a barn in the backyard about a year ago.  We now have a rabbit living under it.  He/She comes out early mornings and late evenings to eat grass and lay out in the fresh air.  I tried to feed it some carrots but it refused to eat any of them so we threw them over the fence into the wooded area behind the house so that other little woodland animals might enjoy them.  

We are seeing different birds than we've seen in the past at our birdfeeder.  Right now there's a "couple" sitting there eating ... they look like a faded out cardinal family.  I'll have to look them up later.  We are also getting little finches and some wild canaries.  They all sing so beautifully.  

Watching the morning come alive always fills me with something that makes me feel alive, like I can breathe deeper than I was.  It feels me with emotion that sometimes brings tears to my eyes.  I realize that no matter how dark and how hopeless something seems there is always a brighter, happier time to come.  Mornings are a new start, a new day.   You go to bed sometimes so broken, feeling like the world is so heavy on your shoulders especially the last few years.  You see so much ugliness around you from people you always thought were nice and gentle.  This war between two parties, something that should have stayed in the "house' or senate has invaded your life, your friendships.  Some of these people I just can't look at the same anymore.  I grew up in the 60s and 70s.  I saw rebellion at it's best.  I saw protests fighting against war, against Viet Nam.  I participated in sit-ins and sit-outs.  Yet, having lived through all of that I never felt hate like I have the last few years.  Where did it come from?  

Morning is here and bustling with energy so it's time for me to get my day started.  Another cup of coffee while I make breakfast and decide what my day will be. 

Until next time, be safe, be healthy and be happy!  

Finishing Up the Colonial, Getting on with Life.

 I think with most of us the Pandemic has effected us in so many ways.  For me, it was a reality of getting older that my life actually has an expiration date and I'm not invincible.   I looked around this house we bought 14 years ago so that I could "get my hands dirty" and renovate it myself and decided that I needed to get it finished and I needed help with it.  So area by area I will be having contractors in to get things finished up.  We have a traditional colonial house with the fireplace at the back left corner instead of the side.  There's a sun room attached to the back with a little outside patio and we have about 2400 square feet.  Four bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. 

That all sounds doable until you actually move in.  We started in our bedroom, the downstairs master.  Here was the problem:  One downstairs bathroom, a full bath that opened to the hallway (for guests) and to the master bedroom and was considered the master bedroom.  I never felt this house had a true master and it wasn't something I was paying attention to when I was looking to buy the day we bought it.  Since that bath was a public bathroom and not a private bath as most masters were, it wasn't a true master.  Well this last year we remedied that.  We cut that bathroom in half and the first half, the sink and toilet became the powder room and opened to the hallway.  The doorway that opened to the master was removed and sealed up.  The tub and shower combo was removed and the floorspace for it was added to the walk-in closet (5 x 5)  of the downstairs bedroom to add a private bath (8.5 x 5) to that bedroom making it a true master suite.  We turned it into a walk-in shower with a bench and two showerheads, a small vanity and a toilet.  It's such a sweet little bathroom and for the first time it's all ours.  We love it.  But then we had to hire someone to come in a build us a closet so we built a walk-in closet (9 x 5) for ourselves.  They built the shell but we're having to build the inside of it.  This has been an interesting venture for both of us.  Gary is definitely a "throw it up and there and get it done" kind of guy with handy work and I'm a "let's plan it out and get every last inch of space we can" kind of girl.  I want it precise and he just wants it done.  Eventually we'll get this done.  Our doors for the closet are on back order as they came in at Lowes once and were all torn up and we refused them.  This next month this whole bathroom/closet project will be one year out.  I think that's long enough.  

Now, we have the electrician working on adding light fixtures for different areas of the house.  Our living room just never seems to be light enough.  He added 5 can lights to the window area yesterday and I have a beautiful light fixture for the dining area that will be added next.  Hopefully we'll be all lit up soon.  We also are having lights added to the closet in our bedroom.  We had several outlets redone and a few switches put in.  Nothing like updating some electricity.  

We are going to have carpet put in our bed room and hardwood floors in the living room/ dining room.  This should happen within the next few months.  

The bathroom upstairs will be updated hopefully before winter.  that should complete the upstairs.  I'm not willing to hand over the reins to a contractor again so I'll contract the work out myself and order the supplies.  I wasn't happy with some of  the choices of the other contractor.  

Holidays are for Family

It's quiet this morning and I'm all alone in the house, well, me and two cats.  It's a wonderful time to sit and drink coffee and think.  This is the time of day I read my emails, Facebook and make out my to-do list for the day.  Today I'm thinking about Christmas.  We'll be leaving soon to drive to Georgia to spend a week with my daughter and her family.  I'm always torn at Christmas because I have one child here and one there.  Do mothers everywhere feel that loss?  I want all my children together for the holidays.  For Thanksgiving I didn't have my son either, he had to work.  I think back to the days when life was so much simpler, when families were all together for the holidays and lived not too far from each other.  Now, jobs take them half way across the country.  You don't really get to see your grandchildren grow up.  You get to visit once or twice a year.  It's sad really.  My grandmother was such a huge influence in my life and yet we'll be but a small memory in our grandson's life.  How do we change that?  How do we, as a society, change and become more involved in our families lives when they live so far away?  We know we are only a phone call away so we can talk to them but those phone calls can't wrap us in the warmth of a hug.  I feel the distance more and more each year.  I know that I will not always be here to watch over my family and that scares me more than anything.  The last two years have made me face the fact that Gary and I are getting older and life for us may come to an end even though neither of us are ready for it to happen.  I think both of us feel we still have so much life to live and plan on doing so, we are facing and preparing for our "twilight" years.  I don't intend to go out easy, I'll go out fighting all the way but I'm going through each room and getting rid of stuff I know neither kid had any interest in.  Trying to get our life in order so that when it does happen the kids won't have to spends months or even years sorting through everything.  I still have things of Mom's that I haven't finished going through yet because it makes me cry and it's been over 10 years now.  I'm transferring all photos to digital so they each have a copy.  I'm making Greg a copy of all of Mom's photos.  It just makes it easier to preserve and to store.  Some I will use for some craft projects for the family.  Little by little I'm getting the house in order.  Gary really doesn't want to move to the country so I'll make this house work.  There are things about this house I love and there are things about this house I hate.  The things I hate, I'll change.  I've made a list of things I want to change and we'll make the changes a little at a time.  I don't want to go into debt doing it, but Gary and I had a long talk and I told him I'd remain in this house and it could be our forever home if we could make these certain changes and since he's agree then I'm on board.  Now, he was ready to get started but I don't want to refinance to do it, we can do each project and save and do the next.  It may take 3 to 5 years to get it all done but I would rather do that than to owe any on it.  The biggest project is to add a bathroom well really to convert our closet to a bathroom and make the hallway/master bath into a half bath or powder room ... insert a wall after the toilet and then rip out the tub and that's where the closet is so the shower will be where the tub is now only it will now be a part of the new master bath.  Right now the master bath is shared with the public as it's also the hall bath, the only bathroom downstairs.  I want a private bath for the master.  This way we'll have a powder room for the public and a master bath for us.  We'll be using the same plumbing and it should work out fine.  The master bath will be small 8.5' X 5.5' but it'll be ours and private and that's all I really need. It'll be costly, we'll have to move the closet door over to the left about 6 to 8 inches to make it work but in the long run it'll be so worth it to have our own bathroom.  Eventually I'll get the kitchen the way I want it.  Right now it's workable.  When we moved into this house there was no overhead lighting in the downstairs areas except the kitchen.  Little by little I've had that updated, adding light here and there.  I want a whole wall of cabinets put in the utility room for storage since there is no storage in the kitchen.  When we moved in this house in 2008, there was old wall paper from the 70s  still on some of the walls, I've stripped that and hand textured those walls.  I've added crown molding to some of the rooms.  I still have some to finish.  There was the old paneled walls that I got rid of and hand textured those walls.  The fireplace was just a mess yet it should have been a show piece.  I restored it and made it a show piece.  Eventually, all the windows will be replaced.  The sliding glass doors that lead out to the sun room will be replaced with french doors.  These are things I want but for now they are just items on a long list.  They aren't necessary.  The living room floor is carpeted and will be replaced with hardwood.  That will probably be my next big cost item.  That's what I'm saving up for.  Let's hope no more trees fall on my house or anything else costly happens.  I look around my living room and I still see so many things I want to change and I realize I always will.  I love change.  I love moving, updating, renovating.  I love getting my hands dirty and getting involved in the changing of whatever is going on.  This house was such a mess when we bought it, tired and worn out.  It had changed hands so many times ... hands that were not so very loving with it ... hands that didn't treat it with care or love.  It was sad and I swear it begged me to buy it.  I have been restoring it since we bought it ... a little here ... a little there.  She seems happier now and seems to work with us and not against us.  In the spring I'll be giving her a face-lift.  I'm going to be giving her a German smear finish to the brick.  I've always hated that orange brick on the outside and that will tone it down some and give it a nice finish.  I don't like the heavy smear but a light one.  She's come a long way from the down and out barn look she had when we first bought her.  My family all thought I was crazy when I decided this was the house I wanted, so very different from any house we had bought in the past.  Even then I didn't realize she would become our forever home.  I thought we'd live here 5 to 7 years and move on.  It's funny how things turn out.  The more you pour yourself into a home, the harder it is to let go of it.  The only other house I was this attached to was the house I raised my kids in, way too many memories.  Anyway, we were talking about Christmas and leaving one child here while we go off to Georgia to visit the other.  We have to figure out a better plan for the holidays.  Some way so that we can all be together again.  It breaks my heart to leave one behind.  What will happen when we're gone?  Will they never celebrate together?  That saddens me more than I can say.  Holidays are for family and our family is so small.

Thankfulness

This time of year always has me going down memory lane.  This was my mom's favorite holiday.  Thanksgiving.  A time for family.  A time for forgiveness.  A time for thankfulness.  I always catch myself mulling this over throughout the month of November. 

Forgiveness.  Wow, that is a hard one, even though when we forgive we are actually doing so more for ourselves than for the one we forgive, we like to hang on to our anger, our hurt feelings, the placing fault, the excuses.  All of those many, many reasons why you should not forgive.  To be honest, I forgive fairly easy but that doesn't mean I haven't learned, I haven't walked away, I haven't closed that door.  Sometimes you just have to close that door and put a lock on it.  Sometimes that's the best thing you can do for your own sanity.  It's not because you hate that person or that you haven't forgiven them but you have learned that your relationship with them is toxic to you and you need to put distance between you. 

Thankfulness.  I am thankful for so many people that have touched my life as well as so many opportunities that have come across my path.  The last 6 months I have been dealing with some eye issues.  I found out I had cataracts.  So in the last few months I've had two surgeries to take care of that.  I'm thankful for modern medicine that can give us back our sight. It's terrifying to think of losing that sight and not being blessed with the beauty this world has to offer us.  I look through the world through a camera lens a lot and it's been a real struggle this year and I had no idea why.  I'm looking so forward to the next year and being able to use my new eyes to see with.  I'm thankful for my family, my husband who has been my best friend for over 43 years, my two wonderful children who have become the most amazing adults and my most awesome grandson, my extended family, cousins by the plenty that I love with all my heart and nieces, old and new.  A brother I would lay down and die for.  He holds such a huge part of my heart.  I'm thankful for such wonderful neighbors and our neighborhood.  I'm thankful that Gary has always been able to support us well, we've always had a good home, food on the table and bills paid, we've always been comfortable.  I'm thankful we live in a country where we're free to voice our opinion about the government, even when we disagree with those in office and know we can live through it.  I'm thankful that we can worship how we choose or do not choose.  I'm thankful that as a woman I have the freedom to be as independent as I choose to be, as outspoken as I choose to be without worry of punishment or imprisonment.  There are so many things to be thankful for, so many.  Make your own list.  Dig deep and get thoughtful. 

November is a time for thoughtfulness.  I time for clean-up whether it's the leaves in your yard or the mess in your life or mind.  It's a time to refresh and begin anew.  Let's all start thankful. 

The death of a 50 year old tree

Friday evening as Gary and I were getting ready to go out to dinner with friends we heard the most horrendous noises.  At first it almost sounded like rolling thunder but then it grew and things started hitting the roof of the house and sun room so my thoughts went to a small plane exploding and went running toward the sun room.  (okay now I understand the scary movies!) I got there just in time to see the end results of a tree (actually a huge limb the size of a tree) landing right outside the sun room and on the sun room roof.  This is the second large limb that has broken off and fallen from that tree this year so I think we're going to go ahead and have the tree removed.  This breaks my heart because the tree is almost 50 years old but it sits too close to the house to take these kind of chances.  I will never again have a house with trees this close.

We sit on 2/3s of an acrea and this limb is taking up 1/3

Totally covers up the sun room

Wraps around to the side where the patio is

side view

Returning to God

This morning I sit in my sun room and reflect on the last few months.  I've seen so many posts on Facebook of friends with cancer, heart problems or other health issues.  If not them, then their families.  I've sent up prayers, sometimes not knowing the words I wanted or needed to send but knowing that God would know what was needed.  I remember my grandmother praying.  I always felt she had a hotline straight to God.  If Grandma said a prayer, you know He heard her.  For several years now I haven't felt that security of my own prayers.  Today I realized that it wasn't God that wasn't listening ... that communication block was coming from me.  I see Him all around me, the blessings He has given me...the way he has touched my life.  Some people reach out to others when they are in pain ... I pull into myself.  It's always been that way.  Growing up, God was always a huge part of my life.  I read my bible from cover to cover.  I loved the stories I found in there.  I took comfort from so many of the verses.  I'm not even sure when I quit reading my bible, but I did.  Something that gave me such pleasure, set aside and forgotten.  I know I am sickened by people who sling bible verses to do evil, to shame others, to judge when they themselves are so weak and narrow minded.  I quit going to church because the lessons I was hearing from the pulpit were not always what I was reading in the bible.  I understand that we're all human, that we all make mistakes but shouldn't we try harder when we are leading to lead as Jesus did?  Isn't that what Christians are suppose to do?  Shouldn't we be honest and not speak behind people's back but lend a helping hand instead?  I started praying again today and I know that God hears me because my heart breaks and my tears flow.  I pray that we can quit judging and trying to put everyone that doesn't agree with us down and instead be like Jesus and reach out and help and lift them up.

Getting Ready for Summer

I'm sitting in my sun room listening to the birds call to each other.  It's such a peaceful time of morning.  The sun is barely up and my coffee is hot and wonderful.  I miss my sun room in the winter.  Three seasons is never enough for this room.  I've been cleaning the windows and getting it ready this week for summer.  This is my favorite room in the house.  The roof is made of something though that makes it almost unbearable when it rains hard because it's so loud out here.  My next sun room will have a normal roof so I can enjoy the rainy days out in it as well.

Gary and I have been talking about selling our house and moving into a one level home.  We'll need to buy one that has 4 bedrooms at least again.  I love having two guest rooms when Rachel and Phoenix come to visit.  But, right now I need to concentrate on this one.  The yard is a mess which is usually the case every Spring.  I can see where we need to weed and thin out bulbs, calk around windows, clear up limbs that have fallen.  The fence needs attention on one side and in the back when a large tree limb fell on it.  We'll get that done when we get back from our trip to South Carolina.  I need to make a list of everything that needs to be done and then make a few calls to get estimates.  We need some tree limbs trimmed, the drive way repaired and three bushes removed.  I'm going to redo the large front flowerbed out by the street this year since the moles decided to destroy it last fall.  I think instead of bulbs this year, I'll put in some colorful bushes and have a few places for annuals.  Maybe we can discourage them from returning this year.  I need to clean all the windows on the outside and on the second story that's quite a job.  I also need to trim and shape my bushes in the front of the house and redo the flowerpots. On the outside back patio I need to clean the furniture and get the patio clean again.  This is our outside Spring Cleaning.

Inside the house I need to concentrate on finishing up the projects that I started.  I would love to have the kitchen finished before Rachel and Phoenix come home this year and have the staircase reverted to wood and the carpet removed from it.  I would also love to have new carpet put down in the living room.  I really wanted hardwood floors but Gary loves carpet so we'll go with carpet.  Perhaps I can get his grandmother's dining room table fixed and move it into the dining room and ship the one we have in there now to Rachel.  She could use it in her house.  Sounds like a lot but if I knuckle down I can get those things done.  It would be nice to have some of the projects finished.

I always get so excited when the kids are coming.  I want everything perfect for them.  I know they'll enjoy themselves even if it's not - but it's just my way of saying "I love you!"  The next house will have bigger closets, a larger master bathroom and a huge kitchen.  Those are my requirements.  We can add on a sun room and we will but we don't have to find one with one already although that would be a plus.  I want 2 1/2 baths this time instead of 2.  There are a few changes that I feel would make things a little smoother for me.  I would love to have some land with it this time.  I might think about getting some chickens and having my own eggs.  I would love to have a work shed with electricity and keep all my wood working tools there so the garage stays clean and we can actually park in it.

Right now I'm looking for someone to take out the center of 4 upper cabinets and replace it with glass to match one that is already that way.  I want all my large cabinets to match and have glass fronts.
Well, it won't be all my large cabinets because it won't be my pantry or the one above my oven but the ones near my sink and stove.  I think it will balance it out more.

So today I work on Rob's house and tomorrow I work on mine.  Tomorrow night I start a new class for photography and Wednesday I get my hair done and we get packed and early Thursday morning we fly out for South Carolina.  According to the weather reports we get rain the whole time we're in South Carolina so I'm not too happy about that since I was hoping to get some fabulous pictures while I'm there.  I'm hoping their wrong and I still get some fabulous pictures.  It makes me sad to think we may be somewhere we've never been and I won't be able to really get out and see it.

Well, it's time to get dressed and run over to Rob's and start working on those floors.  Wish me luck!