Mornings are my favorite time of day, of course summers here are hot so mornings are the only time you can actually get out and enjoy your day. It's been in the 100s here lately. The weatherman said last night a cold front was moving in and that meant we were going to be in the low 90s. People that aren't from around here find it strange that I love my summers here. Yes, it's hot but I don't really mind the heat. We have AC. But as a child we didn't. I remember playing outside, running barefoot through the grass. Someone always had a ballgame going and the neighbors all watched out for each others children. If you fell and skinned your knee it might be a neighbor that picked your up and cleaned it up, put and band-aid and that all powerful magic kiss to seal it with on it. We were in and out of each other's houses and knew what each mom was making for dinner. Water hoses were for drinking out of. There was a woods by us and we would climb the trees and make forts. We would be outside from can't see to can't see (sun-up to sundown). You were always home for dinner and your hands and face were clean and you sat at the table with the family and talked about your day. You had your bath after dinner and gathered in the living room as the evening came to an end. There was a water cooler in the window and windows were always raised and in the evenings when the sun fell the breeze would be cool. You could sit on the porch and listen to the night sounds and it was the most peaceful sound and once you were snuggled in your bed, those windows were still open and that was your lullaby. You fell asleep to the soft sounds of the night creatures feeling safe and secure and all was well with your world. That was growing up in the south. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I don't think I've ever been down as long as I was while I was sick with the Shingles. It gave me a lot of time to reflect on my life. Have I done everything I wanted to do with my life? Of course that answer was no LOL. Does anyone? Have I been happy? That I can truly answer with a positive yes. In the last 41 years my life has been a dream. Has it been perfect? No, no ones is but it's been perfect for me. I married my very best friend and over the years we have remained best friends as well as lovers, mates and at times adversaries. No matter what was going on in our lives he's stood beside me, even if we did not agree with each other's choices we were able to talk them out and find a way to work them out. He is now and has always been the perfect man for me. Our children, was I the best mother I could be? I believe I was. When my daughter was here, I asked her that question. She laughed and told me I was a great mom so I guess I'm okay there. I look back and see areas where I could have done things differently but hindsight is 20/20. My husband and children are my life.
Choices you make when you are a child can haunt you your whole life. Sometimes you just have to forgive yourself. Memories of things you did when you were six, ten, sixteen, twenty. Thirty years later you're still feeling guilt for those choices. Short of criminal activity like murder ... you need to let go. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone makes a bad choice now and then, that's what free will is all about. The thing is, if you didn't feel some guilt then you should worry because you wouldn't have a conscious but you do, and you feel bad about it. I have things that haunt me from a far back as the age of six and I'm going to be sixty-two this month. I hate the thought that I may have or did hurt someone. I enjoy people too much and can't stand to see anyone hurt. I have that kind of mind, one that seems to go over everything I have ever done in my whole life to everyone I have ever met. This usually happens when I settle in bed and close my eyes to go to sleep. Oh well, I'm still a work in progress on the whole letting it go thing.
Well, I need to get the bed made, breakfast eaten and make-up on. Gotta so see my wonderful hairdresser so she can make me beautiful today. She is by far one of the most amazing women in my life right now. LOL. Total magician.
Until next time.
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